Do you need to stop arguments? These three steps will turn almost any
argument into a productive discussion in less than five minutes.
1.
Go to the bathroom. When you are in the throes of an argument or
difficult discussion, just say, "I really want to have this
conversation, but first, please excuse me I must go to the bathroom."
Interrupting the argument will give each of you a chance to cool down
and collect your thoughts.
If you are on the telephone, say
"Excuse me for a moment, I have to handle a call on the other line." If
you are on a cell phone, break the connection in the middle of one of
your own sentences. Call back a few minutes later and apologize for
being cut off.
2. Use your break time to think. Decide what you
really want to accomplish by turning the argument into a discussion. Get
very clear about your own objectives.
3. Return to the
conversation, summarize the argument so far, and then ask politely what
the other person wants the outcome of the conversation to be.
These
steps work because they give each of you a chance to think instead of
react to what has been happening. And neither of you needs to lose face
or look weak or act disrespectfully.
When you approach any
conversation with your goal in mind, you are far more likely to achieve
it than you are in the heat of an argument. When you ask others their
goals, they too must think about what they want to accomplish.
When you create a productive discussion, you create mutual respect and the opportunity for excellent future relationships.
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